Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
