my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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