he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
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How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
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You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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