yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
