guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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