ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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