When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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