this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
