That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
