Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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