The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
