A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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