I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
