her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
