Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just fell off a train. Bad.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
