false alarm. still invincible.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
