Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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