I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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