Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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