Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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