Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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