i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize