thus making me awesome and them whores
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
