We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
