Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
