also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
