His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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