What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
