I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think my moral compass just broke
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