o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
