saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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