she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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