her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Two words: nipple clamps
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