I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
