ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
