i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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