I just saw a hot homeless man
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
