What did we do last night that was yellow?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
