you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
