There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
