did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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