so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
