somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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