The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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