I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
