If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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