After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
