Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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