I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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