If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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