Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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