Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
