He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
