ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
