I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
