Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
