some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
