I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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