Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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