no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
