Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
