How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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