Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
