we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't deserve a penis
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
