Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
