Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
