i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
