you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
