i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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