You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
