And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
